Dick Van Dyke is 100 in (checks notes)

DVD Halloween Mask by Greg Joens

 

There's a new Dick Van Dyke documentary.  He's not 100 until December 13, but the news item made it sound like it's any day now, and I basically wrote today's post before checking, so this is what we got. 

Maybe it's a little premature.  Still, he is 99, although spry as a normal 60 year old.  The others are all gone- Laura and Sally and Buddy, Mel and Alan and (I guess) Marge, Jerry and Millie.  His brother Stacy, too.  

The Sandwich Guy is still around-

 

Jamie Farr

 

but no one else outlived the Dancer.  More power to doing things that are fun for a living.

One of the most cherished items in my humble video stash is the complete Dick Van Dyke Show (1961-66).  It's the ultimate comfort TV; can be totally in the background for household chores, a (generally) happy sight/sound, lighting up its little box with uniquely comedic situations.
 

 

There are however, episodes I'll never watch.  I don't want to step on the toes of any other hard-core DVD fans  (the SNL skit about the Joey Bishop fans comes to mind).  But really- it's like watching your parents' friends trying to act silly.  

Sitcoms of the early 60s were still close enough to Vaudeville to throw in a little of the old soft-shoe-and-moxie.

(Oh my god, what did they do to his head?  It's like half of a gigantic cheese wheel!)

And the Dick Van Dyke Show was a show about show biz.  They even brought back a few Old Time Radio folks to play characters now and then.  

And of course there was (wheep-boom!) Rose Marie, who was about as show-busy as they got!

  

The brief interaction of these two distinct periods- kick-in-the-slats vaudeville and buttoned-down entertainment television- created some historic moments of Cringe, as the artists struggled to adapt strategies that worked better on stage.  This generally resulted in kind of half-baked "impromptu" song and dance routines that were silly without being particularly charming.

There is one Dick Van Dyke episode, however, that blows apart any restraint, a dive into full Holiday Season Cringe: the 1963 Christmas Show. 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(I take it the apparatus on the right is supposed to represent a Fella.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Well, pa-rump-a-pum-PUM!", as motivational speaker Matt Foley would say. 

 

 

 

  

 

 

"My tuba, my tuba, they love to hear my tuba!  BRA-BRA, BRABRABRA!"

It's like watching your parents and the neighbors put on a talent show.  For your friends.

 

 

 

There was also emotional awkwardness, usually involving Sally or Richie.  For instance, Rob's uncle making a play for Sally was depicted in all its poignant embarrassingness. 

 (Although I will say, Denver Pyle is the guy who should have been playing Rob's Dad.  Not only does he look like Rob and Stacy, he's a nut.  

It would have filled out Rob's character like George's parents on Seinfeld.  As it was, Rob had 3 dads, including a couple little bald guys.

As if.)

Finally, there were awkward episodes where they would, essentially, go off-character for the sake of the plot.  Rob would inexplicably turn nit-picky or adopt an adolescent attitude about his marriage, thus, pathos.  But the strength of the characters was in how they applied their innate good sense; they were pretty bright folks, and when the plot twist depended on one or both being childish, it never rang true.  

On the good side, though, with all the intentional awkwardness, there were times when it kind of sparked and turned meta.  Such as the show biz debut of Little Mel.

Shut up, Little Mel!

 And Fred Blassie 

(5-times former world's heavyweight wrestling champeen, and sworn enemy of Pencilnecks everywhere), who gets curious about why Rob picked the hottest day of the summer to button up his collar all the way.  (There's also some Cringe in this episode, when they launch a new dance sensation.)

 (Not this part.)

Further fun may be found at the Internet Archive.  At least for the time being. 

 

 

Checking In

The Maltese Falcon

Still on vacation, probably back with more audio next Sunday.  Been thinking about this whole deal, posting original weird audio to a weekly blog.  I know I haven't been doing enough, every day, for what I had in mind; it takes time to paste them together.  Just a simple matter of zero-sum: do this, or that.  Not both.  Like Mr Scott said, I can't change the laws of physics.  

When I was posting a few years ago, it took about 30 hours to complete a 10-minute post.  For an ultra-structured mosaic, like Killer Car Race or 1812 Overdub.  The sort of thing I want here every Sunday.  

Can I really dump 30 hours into this every week?  I haven't so far, in the last year. Not that I'm complaining.  Retirement is a lot of fun, having nothing to do.  Profoundly relaxing.  

But still- this synchronicity thing.  

Another Thin Man

They just drop into my lap.  What am I supposed to do with these things?  I have to tell people! 

This week's post is also checking-in after running the blog every week for (almost) a year.  The conclusion: I intend to continue.  If I can't manage once a week, maybe I'll move to the Internet Archive.  They're a special retirement home for old show-biz fogies.

Yours truly,

Sudsy and Fudsy, the Veeblefetzer Boys

 

Vacation

 My internet service provider can't.  It's gone down 3 times in the last week, including off and on service all morning today.  This is the second ISP I've had problems with since last spring.  It's just ridiculous.  I need a reliable ISP and it's not a given that there is one to be found.  I'm not doing any new posts until I can expect to have some place to post them.  I don't know if there will be anything on Sunday.

The Colorful Art of Gay Conversation

 

This week's bit is not a production of Ray Blackstone Enterprises, and is intended for consenting adults only...mainly, because they're the only ones who'll get the jokes!

play (3:48) 

Golden Gate Quartet- Stalin Wasn't Stallin' (1943)

 

Part of the national campaign to laugh the Axis off the map.

Stalin Wasn't Stallin' (3:12)

(The line is "And Adolf broke all records/ running backwards to Kharkov".) 

Don Wilson in Hell(o)

 

I've been listening to Old Time Radio (Internet Archive, natch) while doing jigsaw puzzles; Fibber McGee and Molly (ibid) and Jack Benny, formally known as "The JELLO Program, starring Jack Benny, with Mary Livingstone, Dennis Day, Phil Harris, Rochester and yours truly, Don Wilson."

Don was Jack's announcer basically the entire 100 or so years he was on the radio.  Many words passed between him and the microphone in that time, but the heaviest must have been the weekly Jello ad.  They even had him (comically) complaining about it.  Listening to the show, from October 1941 through the next summer, I can understand why.

When it comes to the Hard Sell, modern-day advertising has nothing on 1940's radio.  It was the heyday of the Jingle, for cryin' out loud.  (shudders)  

So, not only is Jello the most amazing dessert ever devised by man (Jello?), but their breakthrough- locked-in flavor!- is reported as if it's just been discovered this very week!  Week after week.  In the same words every time.  

Poor Mr Wilson.  Imagine the resolve it must have taken, not only to read the same hyped-up script every week, but to be wildly enthusiastic.  (Fortunately, I see they changed sponsors soon, back then in the past, so the poor announcer will finally get a break.)

So this is my reaction to that.  It's not intended to reflect support or disdain for Jello (c), a product of General Foods, or the US War Department.  

The title is from George Bernard Shaw's Don Juan in Hell.  (Kind of Jello Hell).  It refers to Mr Wilson's situation, not Jello in general.  Actually, many people find the "what the heck is it?" approach strangely appetizing.  

 Don Wilson in Hell(o) (0:58)

 

The Thin Man Neckties...in Color!

I usually don't watch "colorized" films, but some articles of clothing leave me curious about exactly what they were.  For example, is Cary Grant really wearing a silk blazer??

Mr Blandings Builds His Dream House

 And what are we to make of Charles Coburn's sumptuous bathrobe?

The Lady Eve

Could that be dark blue and turquoise?  Black and gold?  Purple and gold?  Forest green and burnt orange?  Velvet collar, and deeper pile on the dark parts?  What a gorgeous robe.  If only we could see it in the original colors.

Well, on a smaller scale but just as much style, there's the neckties in the Thin Man films, with William Powell and Myrna Loy as Nick and Nora Charles.  

Nick was a snappy dresser, and that includes his ties.  In an era of hats, the tie was a close second- but their glories are lost to black and white.  Until today.

There were 6 Thin Man films, from 1934 to 1947, covering a decade of unparalleled fashion: Zoot suits.  Reet pleats.  Not to say that Nick would ever drape his shape in that way- a simple, iridescent power-tie was good enough for the first film.

He was even more restrained in "After the Thin Man" (1936), dressed like a banker with sparkly pinstripes and a simple gold tie clasp.

This sort of choice led to him being challenged in "Another Thin Man" (1939) by one of his co-stars, Abner Biberman, who showed up in a gold-lame-on-velvet job that blew out a light meter:

  

 

He was given a stern talking-to by another co-star, Otto Kruger.

 But Nick was on guard after that, and apparently started reaching into his stash of classic neckwear.

There was his red satin "I had blueberry Jello for lunch" tie:

A purple paisley, which no wardrobe should be without:

And this one, from the Richard the Lion-Hearted collection. 

 

The challenges to him were few after that.  Keenan Wynn had a nice yellow orchids tie, like a kooky jazz musician might wear, in the final film, "Song of the Thin Man"-

 

but Nick donned this Cocktail Hour number that reflected his main hobby over the entire series.

 

Must have been a present from Nora.
 

Potentate Update 03/22/03

 

(1:51) From my own Old Time Radio days.  Guest commentator Mr Space on the Second Gulf War.

Potentate Update 

Robot Theater

 

A brief poem for three voices.

Robot Theater_01 (01:11)

Building Code Under Fire

 Here's another one from The Last Hurrah (1958), 

decrying the problem in one of America's largest unnamed cities.  I blame the Skeffington administration!

Vietnam 1963

 

The Ngo brothers, Diem and Nhu

Another piece of the vast 1960's audio saga I might finish sometime. Based entirely on Fair Use, of course, being what I am.

The narrative track is from PBS Vietnam: A Television History.  Music by the Ventures and Ennio Morricone.

Vietnam 1963 (3:37)

Dee Green Hijacks the Post

 Old Time Radio on Film

 

RKO Pictures

Back in the 1940s, radio stars Jim and Marian Jordan were so popular as Fibber McGee and Molly, they made 3 movies.  (This was in an era that had 24-hour theaters for war workers; they ate up movies like popcorn.)  "Look Who's Laughing" 1941, "Here We Go Again" 1942, and "Heavenly Days" 1944.

All three are on the Internet Archive, and I'm slowly experiencing them now and then.  It's interesting to see Fib and Molly do their radio bits on film; their lines were written by their radio writer, Don Quinn, and it's so schtick-heavy, Fibber's Closet just gets a second or two.  In other words, good stuff for the fans.

 

 

RKO Pictures

Fibber bears an unexpected resemblance to Richard Milhous Nixon.  (That's Hal Peary on the left, standing aghast as Throckmorton P Gildersleeve.)  (Hehehehaugh.)

Molly assumes the Little Girl to flirt with Charlie McCarthy, 

RKO Pictures

and butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, I betcha...(Yes, it's a grown woman pretending to be a little girl, flirting with a ventriloquist's dummy.  That's show biz!)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RKO Pictures

 

 

 

Bergen and McCarthy are in the first two.  Charlie was considered such a bon vivant, by the second film they had him dancing with chorus girls, and-- 

RKO

--wait a minute-- something about the ribbon holding back all that hair-- isn't that Miss Dinkelmeyer?

Columbia Pictures

 I think it is!  From The Three Stooges, "Brideless Groom".  Shemp's student.

"Your little dreamboat is sailing!  HOO!  HOO!"

 

 

 

 

 

Huh!  I gotta check this out...Miss Dinkelmeyer was played by a gal named Dee Green.  First credited appearance 1945, 3 years after this.  But her CV doesn't include this film.  And IMDB seems to make a point of listing every single chorus girl in the picture.

Let's have a closer look.

 

Similarities in the shape of her chin, her mouth, nose, cheek, her eyes, height and build, and that dense hair.  Interesting.  They say the ear is a defining feature, as individual as a fingerprint.. 

Pretty close there, too.  And we can again see similarities in the mouth, nose and brow.

You know, folks, I think it IS her.  If it isn't, they sure look alike.

Well, what are we to think.  This happens once in a while.  The info stream goes dry and all you're left with is a face and a guess.  For example, I'm fairly certain the THRUSH goon on the left is Milt Kogan

Man From Uncle, s03e02, 1966

- you know, that guy from the Desilu-Universal Galaxy.  Here he is in Columbo, 1978, getting an uncomfortable neck rub from Trish Van Devere (who's also still with us)-

Columbo: Make Me a Perfect Murder, 1978

 - again uncredited (although this is obviously him).  That's what makes this an interesting hobby.  If you can start accurately picking them out of anonymity, it adds to the body of the Art an infinitesimal glow. 

OJ Meltdown

 

Here's an oldie I found banging around in the back.  I was pretty impressed when American Journalism turned into a scene from Farenheit 451, with the talking newsheads transfixed by one person (a celebrity, OJ Simpson) on the run from the Law.  It seemed to go on for hours.  (90 minutes.)  So I made this bit.  

I don't really like doing topical commentary; it doesn't age as well as the artier stuff, and people have opinions.  So I never included this in anything.  It might have been posted here at one time.  Anyway, it is now.

OJ Meltdown (3:36) 

 PS- I guess this means we're going to do weekly audio, instead of skipping a weekend a month for written content.  Which will drop in during the week, as it occurs.  Stay tuned.